You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
