He kissed a someone with a penis
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
