Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
