She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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