I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
