You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
