You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
