tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
