took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
