okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
