Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
