Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
