she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
