Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
