what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
