Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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