the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Green mimosas i think yes
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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