Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
