I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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