The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
