Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So squirting runs in the family.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
my liver is dry heaving
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
