Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
