I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
where are my eyebrows?
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