and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
whose parrot is this?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
