Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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