Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
