I think scott just propositioned me for sex
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
