I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
