i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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