Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My life is pants optional.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
