saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
