I'm jealous of your bromance
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
