So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
