every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
