I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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