I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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