Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
