I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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