im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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