i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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