i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
