carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
