I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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