you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
