He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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