After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
