What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
