it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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