bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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