If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
