That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's blow job season.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
