omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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