He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
