Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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