Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
