u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
