that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize