If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
