mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
