My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
