I need help removing her.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
