You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
