Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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