I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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