Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
