Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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