you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
