her facebook's as public as her vagina
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
