Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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