i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
