I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
