the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
