Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
