I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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