no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize