if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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