Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
